This poem is attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson:
How do you measure success?
To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a redeemed social condition or a job well done;
To know even one other life has breathed because you lived
- this is to have succeeded.
There are times when all of us struggle with self-worth brought on by perceived valuations by other people. I don't make enough money. I haven't met a deadline. My schoolwork is lacking. I missed three notes in my recital. When I look in the mirror, I don't see beauty, I hear voices picking me to pieces.
When I read the poem above, something shifted inside of me - scales-fell-from-my-eyes sort of thing, and I began to see that perhaps this is a better/best definition of success that is both achievable and enjoyable. Rather than reducing success in the frying pan of life down to status, money, self-promotion and glory (i.e. creating a perfect brand for myself), here are ten things that I can do every day to be a success.
1. Laugh often and much.
On my walk yesterday, I saw a woman attempting to put on her mascara while she was walking using her phone as a mirror. I don't know why I found this so funny, but it reminded me that my own efforts to look better must be humorous sometimes. I can only imagine what some would think as I attempt pushups. Laughter is essential to experience the goodness of life.
2. Win the respect of intelligent people.
There is a man I meet with regularly who is intelligent, generous, insightful and attentive. When we get together, we share stories of the past, laughter of the present and exciting hope for the future. When we are done, this incredibly intelligent man thanks me for my time. Thanks me! How is that possible? And yet when he does, I feel ten feet tall.
3. Win the attention of children.
I marvel at God's sense of humor not only when showing me the beauty of my own children, but the inevitability to be recharged by the sense of wonder of all children. Part of my role as pastor is to work with an Early Learning Centre. As I was sitting with some of the children reading a book, one of the girls reached up and touched my bald head. Her words: 'Your head is lumpy.' Every time I am with kids and teachers, I find I am inspired.
4. Earn the appreciation of honest critics.
Some of the most important people in my life are critics - not that they are being critical, but that they are helping to shape my own path in life so that it aligns with personal and communal health. To be a successful leader requires that we receive honest feedback and share struggles with critics. No successful person in the world can be surrounded by 'yes-men.' Nothing will ever change for the better. That person only becomes more and more self-absorbed until they find themselves utterly alone.
5. Endure the betrayal of false friends.
The success is not in that ones friends betrayed you, but that you were able to surround yourself with others, and discover the intestinal fortitude to keep moving despite the betrayal. How often in life do I define my success on the opinions of others who, if I'm honest with myself, I wouldn't consider to be at the Round Table of my life. To endure it, though, is to succeed and be stronger and better prepared for future relational struggles. This is a guarantee in life.
6. Appreciate beauty.
Have you looked up today? Have you looked out? Have you looked toward? The skies, crystal blue renew our sense of awe that this world and the universe beyond, are creatively and imaginatively made just for beauty's sake. Have you noticed, today, the faces of others, the color of their eyes, the hue of their skin, the line of their cheeks, the crease of their smiles? How beautiful they are!
7. Find the best in others.
This one, more than any of the others, is hardest for humanity, because we are constantly and consistently told (and sometimes shown) that it's a survival-of-the-fittest world. Thus, we look at others' actions for negative motives and waste precious relational time trying to figure out what they're trying to take from me or I might be losing. Here is a great turn of phrase from Martin Luther's catechism from the 8th Commandment (You are not to bear false witness against your neighbor):
We are to fear and love God so that we do not tell lies about our neighbors, betray or slander them or destroy their reputations. Instead we are to come to their defense, speak well of them and interpret everything they (say and) do in the best possible light.
To do this is not only to succeed, but to cause others to find success.
8. Leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a redeemed social condition or a job well done.
An incredibly appropriate reminder in the contemporary climate, both in nature and humanity, that our actions and our words can bring about successful transformation. I love Waldo's thoughts not simply about picking up trash or using less plastic, but being part of sustaining a world where children, society and business are thought of as opportunities, not drudgery.
9. Know even one other life has breathed because of you.
This word 'breathe' has come out in a multitude of ways in the last two weeks. How is it that I can be part of helping other people breathe new life, freedom, security and joy?
These nine criteria for success are unlike anything that is expounded by our consumer cultures. Take a moment today to reflect on how 'successful' you are today.
