Family Feud

The Bible is replete with tragic heroes.

Some of them appear as rugged individualists bent on conquest and pushing into the land that God promised, while others show up unfiltered in their thoughts and reflections, men and women who struggle with the thought of a God who they believe is omnipotent yet strangely absent in times of greatest need. These heroes desire a different life and different view of this all-powerful God: they want to feel and experience the presence of the omni-loving God.

God does not always appear when most wanted, but when most needed.

For we who are neither biblical figures or particularly heroic (although it feels somewhat daunting to stay in lockdown), the need to connect and be loved by both God and family is still present. Especially in uncertain times, to feel valued is an important way to deal with isolation and separation.

I think this is seen most poignantly in the life of arguably the most tragic heroine in the Bible: Leah, the first wife of Jacob.

As the story goes, Jacob meets Rachel, the love of his life at a 'wishing well,' where, after falling in love at first sight, he gallops off to her father (his uncle Laban) to ask for her hand in marriage. After consistent trickeries and deceptions, not only does Jacob work seven years for the love of his life (cue Freddie Mercury).

Instead, on the wedding night, Laban substitutes the older daughter (Leah) for the younger (Rachel). While most of this story does not seem correct (certainly politically, but also from a choice perspective) in the 21st century, this was Laban's wish. It is not the custom in this place to give the younger daughter in marriage before the firstborn. (Gen. 29:26) Thus, without knowing (due to darkness, clothing and whatever else the tradition stipulated on wedding nights) Jacob married 'Leah (who) had tender eyes.' (Gen. 29:17)

While we who read with 21st century spectacles might think this is an insensitive and shallow way of describing two daughters (Rachel being shapely and attractive) Hebrew scholars have said that Leah's tender eyes were a compliment to her. John J. Parson's writes,

Leah's eyes were weak or tender from crying her eyes out becasue of the prospect of marrying Esau. The adage of the town was: Two sons to Rebecca and two daughters to Laban - the older to the older and the younger to the younger... She wept to be the mother of the righteous. And it is through Leah that the lineage of David comes (Judah).

Jacob ended up with both sisters, but '...he loved Rachel more than Leah.' (Gen. 29:30b)

It's a very cold world to be in competition for love. Siblings sometimes feel it, whether it is a true competition or not. To be a success, to receive accolades from parents, to be loved - these are the things that give life meaning. When praise is lavished on one child over another, often the one who feels snubbed will rebel to at least receive some kind of attention from parents. But imagine living in a culture of bigamy? What happens when you feel underappreciated?

From this heroic story of Leah, we don't get a sense that she complained to God. There is no dialogue between the omnipotent Creator and the older wife, but the tears may have continued because she felt unloved.

When the LORD saw that Leah was unloved, he opened her womb; but Rachel was unable to conceive. Leah conceived, gave birth to a son, and named him Reuben, for she said, 'The LORD has seen my affliction (being unloved); surely my husband will love me now. (Gen. 29:31,32)

Twice more she conceives and gives birth, At last, my husband will become attached to me because I have borne (eventually six) sons for him.

To be in a home which is constantly defined by competition for attention and love is one of the most difficult places to be. Now, in 2020, in some places, that competition is catastrophically magnified because of the lockdown. Families who had found a tenuous balance of existence because of freedom for distance and space are now thrust into a situation where that fight for the (seemingly) limited resource of attention is omnipresent.

How do we work through this struggle of lockdown? What are the practicalities of the life of the heroine, Leah?

1. Paying attention is one of the only free things in life. You can give it away and never run out. In giving attention to our kids and our families, we strengthen bonds so that when we are apart, life is not about competing against, but striving together for something.

2. Honour the value of our relationships. This it not about what they do, but the mere fact that they are a gift.

3. Realise that God's perspective of timing is different and wondrous. While this is difficult and too often clichéd, tears and patience are often a powerful elixir to sensing God's presence in life.

4. Lastly, and hopefully most significantly (I hope), diversify relationships. Even in times of lockdown, reach out to others whether through social media or phoning. Don't place all of your social happiness in one basket. This is good for you and for your family.